home *** CD-ROM | disk | FTP | other *** search
- #Life would be so very easy if we only had the source code.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s1. "I thought I fixed that."
- ?Programmers do it in microseconds.
- #One of the reasons Computers are male:%s%s -They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
- !Everybody must believe - I believe I'll have another beer.
- ^Don't play "stupid" with me... I'm better at it.
- #If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
- ?Programmers do it bit by bit.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"
- #TAP TAP TAP Is this thing on?
- ?Xerox never comes up with anything original anymore.
- !There are three ways to get something done: %s%s 1) do it yourself %s 2) hire someone to do it %s 3) forbid your kids to do it.
- ?God is a comic playing to an audience afraid to laugh.
- #Happy Birthday!! (well, I'll be right one day).
- ?I think ... therefore I am overqualified.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"
- '"In the end gravity always wins."%s%s - Dolly Parton.
- ?Programmers do it all night.
- #Enter any 12-digit prime number to continue.
- !Life is like a bath, the longer your in it the more wrinkled you get.
- ?That for every problem, there's a solution that's simple, elegant and wrong?
- ?Today is a "Honey do day" Honey do this, honey do that...
- #Is it Friday yet??!!
- ^What the !@#$ were you expecting for me to put here?
- ?I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers.
- #Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s4. "You can't use that version on your system."
- #Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
- ?Programmers do it with their fingers.
- +If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
- !If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
- #If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
- !You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
- +You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
- ?Diplomacy is saying: "Nice doggie!"... till you can load your shotgun.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
- +If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
- #One of the reasons Computers are male:%s%s -The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
- +Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
- +After eating do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
- +Should animal shampoo be tested on humans?
- ?Programmers repeat it until done.
- #If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
- +What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
- +When sign makers go on strike, do they carry "blank" picket signs?
- ?Programmers do it with disks.
- +When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
- #One of the reasons Computers are male:%s%s -They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
- +When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
- +Why do you see pet dogs wearing sweaters, but you never see pet fish in bathing trunks?
- !Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
- #One of the reasons Computers are male:%s%s -They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
- +Why do they report power outages on TV?
- ?A programmer is a machine for converting coffee to software.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s7. "Somebody must have changed my code."
- ?Programmers cycle forever, until you make them exit.
- #One of the reasons Computers are male:%s%s -Big power surges knock them out for the night.
- ?Programmers do it in higher levels.
- #One of the reasons Computers are male:%s%s -It is always necessary to have a backup.
- ?Programmers have bigger disks.
- #One of the reasons Compilers are female:%s%s -They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
- ?Programmers do it in loops.
- #One of the reasons Compilers are female:%s%s -Beauty is only shell deep.
- #One of the reasons Compilers are female:%s%s -They make you take the garbage out.
- '"You will use Windows. Resistance is Futile."%s%s - Bill Gates
- ?There is always a law against doing anything interesting.
- #One of the reasons Compilers are female:%s%s -Smalltalk is important.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s8. "It works, but it's not been tested."
- ?I am always exact and precise (more or less).
- ?Murphy was an optimist.
- ?Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
- #Window-screen: An arrangement for keeping flies in.
- #One of the reasons Computers are male:%s%s -The lights are on but nobody's home.
- #Shareware, crippleware, annoyware, underwear.
- #One of the reasons Compilers are female:%s%s -You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
- #AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
- #Windows would be better with curtains.
- ^Shouldn't you be doing something useful?
- #Some authors should be paid by the quantity NOT written.
- ?Modem sex begins with a handshake.
- #No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
- +How do you throw away a garbage can?
- #One of the reasons Compilers are female:%s%s -Picky, picky, picky.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s10. "I can't test everything!"
- #Everybody should believe: I believe I'll have a drink.
- +Is there another word for synonym?
- #If you can't make it work, make a statistic of it.
- #Those who can't write, write manuals.
- ?Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
- +Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?
- #Keyboard not connected, press F1 to continue.
- ?Programmers do it on command.
- ?Whatever you delete today, you desperately need tomorrow.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
- #If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.
- +"Daddy, what does 'Read error in FAT' mean?"
- +"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean?"
- +"DEL *.* Does WHAT?"
- #How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.
- ?Iraq shot down 38 Patriot Missiles with their SCUDS.
- +"Where is everything? All I typed was "Format c:".
- #Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
- #COFFEE.COM not found: A)dd more, R)eheat F)reak out.
- '"Experience comes from bad judgment." %s%s - Mark Twain.
- !Quick. Operator. Give me the number for 911.
- !Jury: A group chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
- ?Programmers will do it all night, but only if you are debugged.
- '"Abort, Retry, Fail?"%s%s - Saddam Hussein's mom.
- ?I multitask... I read in the bathroom.
- #Of course I tessssted it.
- #24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. Hmmmm...
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s12. "You must have wrong version."
- #Syntax Error in KITCHEN.H : COFFEE not found.
- ?A lady is one who only shows her underwear intentionally.
- ?Electricians do it 'till it Hz.
- #One of the reasons Compilers are female:%s%s -They can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
- ?engineers do it by calculation and design.
- #One of the reasons Computers are male:%s%s -Size does matter.
- ?Very few jobs actually require a penis or vagina.
- #One of the reasons Compilers are female:%s%s -When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing".
- #Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
- !Suicidal twin kills brother by mistake.
- #Let me know if this message doesn't get through to you.
- #One of the reasons Compilers are female:%s%s -Miss a period and they go wild.
- ?No-one ever reads these things...
- #America was not discovered by Americans, shame on them.
- ?He who laughs last probably made a backup.
- #Keep grandma off the streets - legalize bingo.
- ?There's at least one fool in every married couple.
- !1024x768x256... Sounds like one mean woman.
- ^If people listened to themselves, they would shut up.
- #I have lost my mind, but it must be backed-up somewhere.
- !A perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 am.
- #History is made at night.
- #Please let me know if you did not receive this.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
- +If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his "hands" with soap?
- #Put on your seatbelt. I'm gonna try something new.
- #Smoking is one of leading causes of statistics.
- ?Programmers get overlaid.
- #User Error: Replace user, hit any key to continue.
- '"Nurse! I said: SLIP off his SPECtacles!"
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s14. "There is something funky in your data"
- #Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.
- #Get me some coffee and then ask me in ten minutes.
- +Gee... What's that ticking in the corner?
- #I like the 486 tower. Does it come in red?
- ?Complexity isn't the answer - it's the problem.
- #Help. I'm trapped at 0D1C:01DA.
- ?Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
- !Some days the only good thing on TV is the vase.
- #Blow your mind, smoke gunpowder.
- ?Windows 3.0 - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.
- !Teacher (according to a child): A non-violent mother.
- '"640K ought to be enough for anybody." %s%s -Bill Gates, 1981.
- #Sex is not a answer. Sex is a question. Yes is the answer.
- ^Always remember, to copy a disk is not to Xerox it.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash."
- #Error:015 - Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.
- +Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- #You got to stop screwing around, daddy.
- #I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole.
- ?The Caldecott Tunnel has less traffic than that vagina.
- #Stupid: Being unable to find your own butt in the dark.
- !Dumb v2.0: Upgrade from stupid.
- !I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse
- #Dancing: A vertical manifestation of a horizontal desire.
- #As I was saying, I hate it when people don't finish their
- '"Build a watch in 56,179 easy steps" %s%s -C. Forsberg.
- ?After two weeks of dieting, all I lost was two weeks.
- #If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s16. "It must have a hardware problem."
- #I just took an IQ test. The results were negative.
- ?Black holes were created when God divided by zero.
- #A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
- ?Barometer: Indicates what kind of weather we are having.
- #Yeah, but what's the speed of DARK?
- ?Middle age: When your age starts to show at your middle.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s17. "How is that possible?"
- #Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot.
- ?A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame.
- ?This software will eliminate all misakes.
- #One of the reasons Computers are male:%s%s -In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
- ?A "program" is used to turn data into error messages.
- #Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s18. "It worked yesterday."
- #Beer and women: Two of God's best gifts to mankind.
- +Gee, I wonder what this key does?
- #Synonym: A word you use when you can't spell the other.
- #I like work. I can sit and look at it for hours.
- ?If it works, Don't fix it: Unless you are a consultant.
- #One of the reasons Compilers are female:%s%s -They are always turning simple statements into big productions.
- ?If it works, it must be obsolete.
- #If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s19. "It's never done that before."
- ?If it works, rip it apart and find out why.
- #Trust me, would I lie to you..... again?
- #One of the reasons Computers are male:%s%s -A better model is always just around the corner.
- #I only wrote the thing, I don't have to understand it.
- ?There are THREE kinds of people in the world... Those that can count and those that can't.
- !Top 20 Replies by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work: %s%s20. "That's Weird..."